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The Grip of Loneliness: Detox Updates

I’ve been on the Medical Medium detox for two weeks and it’s going well-ish. I mean, I am sticking to the protocol. But while you’re in the middle of detox symptoms – headaches, nausea, random organ twitching and flares of emotion, it’s hard to use the term ‘well’ – let’s just say IT’S WORKING.

The physical symptoms I’ve described in past blogs continue and adding detox symptoms to the mix has definitely stirred the pot. I mean, no one likes feeling sick, but it certainly makes you appreciate health and more importantly, it amplifies the connection between your physical, mental and emotional state.

Physical symptoms always have an emotional component to them. Emotion is e-energy in motion. Before this energy manifests physically, it usually floats around the emotional and mental bodies – giving us a chance to hear their message… until we push it down into the physical body.

“We are so good at dismissing an emotional experience as insignificant, we don’t even know we’ve shoved it elsewhere.”

The yogis teach us that unresolved energy can manifest years later as dis-ease. They also say, whatever we don’t deal with in this lifetime, comes back into the mix in a future one… so, I decided, I might as well stop running and sort it. Isn’t self-awareness fun? LOL.

I’ve had joint discomfort, presenting as stiffness and weakness in my knees for about a decade, which may be a result of my intolerance to gluten.  For the past year, I’ve also had tennis elbow. First in my right arm, which then jumped ship and moved to my left arm. A dear friend, who has intuitive gifts, suggested it was deep-seeded fear. Of course, that left me wondering what am I afraid of that I haven’t already identified. Is it from this life-time? Past life-times?

Feelings, Fears, Whoa now…

There are lots of things people fear – spiders, death, getting old, being alone… Me? I know I don’t like public speaking, but none of those really seem to fit. I spent some effort to try and figure out to no avail, so I just sort of left it, asking the universe for more insight.

Is now the time? I dunno. Since doing this detox, all sorts of emotions have flared up – anger, frustration, anxiety, feeling down – these are all common detox experiences and thankfully they have been fleeting but the one emotion I didn’t really expect was loneliness. This has been staring at me straight in the face day-in and day-out for over a week, almost demanding I spend time with it. Jaysus! Okay already. Let’s talk… I’d like this over.

Loneliness is a funny thing. It is not always the desire for company, but maybe more akin to being understood. I have a hard time putting the feeling into words. Many would equate it to needing a relationship or needing more from a relationship, and maybe it is that too, but somehow this loneliness feels as much environmental as it does personal. Gah! Sorry, it’s hard. If you’re still with me you’re a saint.

Emotional Detox

Since starting this detox, the universe has coincidently (there are no coincidences) created an environment where I am alone – a lot. A few of my work contracts wound down, friends were away on vacation, my plan to travel out of town fell through, and my joint pain was limiting my physical exercise. So, I was left with a ton of free time. All my distractions were taken away. No escape. Seemingly, it was time to pay attention.

What came up? Frustration, anger, then loneliness. At first, it’s natural to blame emotions on external circumstance. We immediately look outside of ourselves for the ‘thing’ that has disrupted our peace.  When we wind it back in, the root of our emotions usually goes much deeper. So, I took a closer look at my loneliness and to be honest, I had a hard time differentiating it from sadness. So I decided to list the characteristics I felt were missing (thus, the genesis of this blog).


Loneliness

There is a deep longing for a connection that aligns spirt, mind and body – one without dependency or attachment. There is no obligation, it’s as natural as being. It is. There is a mutual bond, a shared experience, a dedication or commitment to achieving something greater. There is an allowance for growth, a transparency of emotion that is unfiltered and personal but not taken personally. It is being cherished, comforted and supported as if in the arms of the divine mother. It is the safety, protection, strength and support of the divine father. It is within you to give as much, as much as it defines the nature of your environment. It’s a vibration, a place my heart recognizes and I have yet to discover here in this world.

I think perhaps many of us feel this to varying intensities – it’s the pilot light of our soul, that burns to become brighter, to fill the space around us with this reality. I don’t know if it’s necessarily a single person or a series of relationships that creates this, or it’s all about finding it within. It’s hard to intellectually separate a consciousness that is within you to one that surrounds you. Ya know? Maybe I am complicating it. Wouldn’t be the first time. I just know I don’t have all the pieces yet.

A Revealing Vision

Today, I went into yoga with a subdued energy, I felt kind of emotionally ‘blah’ but well enough physically to move. During savasana (the resting posture at the end), the emotions came back up, there was sadness and I wondered, is this loneliness mine? Or do I experience this energy from around me? It was then, I watched the energy transform into a vision in my minds’ eye, to tell me its story.

I was in yellow-green liquid muck, up to my ankles, wading around. Like a scene from a movie in the after math of some type of disaster, I had someone over my shoulder and someone by the arm, helping them to safety. I was not happy but had a resolve, a mission. People around me were lying face down in it, some were sitting crying and others crawling aimlessly. In the next moment I was returning home, to another world, where I was being met like a soldier returning from war. My sacrifice and bravery were being recognized. I was home. My beloved embraced me, I fell into his arms, a place of truth, transparency, support, love and nourishment. When I lifted my head, wondering who this being was he disappeared. There was no other.

It was then I realized that the dank liquid was loneliness. Some people drown in this emotion, some are so covered in it that they cannot see a way out, others wallow in it refusing to make a move in any direction. The message was clear; we are all one, so what does it matter whether the emotion is mine or that of another. There is no ‘other’. If any part of the body suffers, the entire body feels it. If any part of the family is suffering, the entire family feels it. If any part of humanity is suffering, all beings feel it.

The Purpose of Suffering

This sorrow, this loneliness drives compassion, kindness, humility and unity. Suffering is my gift, your gift, when we use it to help another. The truth is, happiness comes from the inside. The yogis tell us, that the inner and outer worlds are a reflection. You create your reality – how conscious you are of that is another story. So in essence, whatever vibration you wish to create ‘out there’ manifests when you obtain it ‘in here’ – until there are no more longings.

This seems to be the promise of enlightenment, when all the desires stop and you rest in being. How magnificent that sounds. But then, knowing me, I’d just get bored and create a new drama to play with. And what is to say, that this isn’t it.

Bah ha ha. The latest musings on the spiritual path. Whatever journey you take, know you are a divine being and love is your nature.

You are a #LoveActivist.

xo
Louise

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